Question by Dante: Pagan Hand-fasting Traditions?
I need HELP!
This is a first marriage for not only my groom but myself included. He is a F to M transgendered punk Wicca, while I am a biological female Gothic neoanglo-christian/odinist. Our wedding is a Victorian Gothic affair being held on Halloween next year and it will be outdoors with the indoor reception, but its the ceremony that I am fretting over since he and I will be making all the reception fare ourselves.
We both agreed on having a Pagan Hand-fasting ceremony for this first part of our marriage, as in the state we are marrying we will only be able to have a Common Law Partnership. The problem is I know nothing about hand-fasting’s or how they are performed, even vague descriptions only are never consistent enough with one another to give me an idea of how to do this ceremony.
What I need to know is what are the customs and such so I won’t make a fool of my groom in front of his family and our friends, because the day is not only mine but his and I really want it to be special for everyone involved.
Best answer:
Answer by thedreamweaverwolf
you can make or buy a hand fasting cord ebay is great for that blessed be
“Handfasting” was the word used by the ancient Celts to describe their traditional trial-marriage ceremony, during which couples were literally bound together. The handfasting was a temporary agreement, that expired after a year and a day. However, it could be made permanent after at that time, if both spouses agreed.
“Handfasting” was the word used throughout the once-Celtic lands of Scotland and Northern England to refer to a commitment of betrothal or engagement. It was a ceremony in which the couple publicly declared their intention to marry one year and a day in the future. In 1820, Sir Walter Scott used the term to refer to a fictional sacred ritual that bound the couple in a form of temporary marriage for a year and a day. He wrote of it in his book “The Monastery:”
“When we are handfasted, as we term it, we are man and wife for a year and a day; that space gone by, each may choose another mate, or, at their pleasure, may call the priest to marry them for life; and this we call handfasting.” 1,2
Alternately, a handfasting can be simply a declaration by a couple that they wish to form a temporary or permanent “common-law” relationship. The couple would not be married after the ritual.
Couples who wish to have their handfasting recognized as a legal marriage may have difficulty obtaining a person who is willing to officiate. Most Christian and Jewish clergy would not be willing to conduct a Pagan ritual. Some ways of finding a cooperative presider are:
Ministers from congregations affiliated with the Unitarian Universalist Association will frequently perform ceremonies that are written by the couple; some even require it. 4 Since the UUA recognizes Neopaganism as one of the sources of its religious and spiritual traditions, many of its clergy should not object to conducting a Pagan ritual.
Some Neopagan priests and priestesses have been able to obtain a license to marry by presenting various legal documents which show that they have been selected by their coven as their clergyperson. This process sometimes takes persistence.
Some Neopagan priestesses and priests register as clergy with Universal Life Church, and are subsequently able to obtain a state or provincial license to officiate at marriages. 5 The Universal Life Church has minimal requirements for ordination.
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What happens at a Neopagan handfasting?
In some ways, a handfasting is much like a typical marriage. The couple, a presider, friends and family are present. The couple exchange vows and (usually) rings. The couple usually has some attendants to assist in the ceremony. The presider, and the handfasting party sign the wedding license. Pictures are taken. Everybody smiles and hugs.
But in some ways a handfasting is quite different from the typical marriage ceremony. Most couples designed a unique ritual which fits their needs. Some of the following components may be present, in any order that the couple feels comfortable with. A heterosexual handfasting ceremony is described below; the text can easily be modified for a same-sex couple. Some of the statements and the ritual of casting and banishing the circle would be modified to match the Wiccan tradition that the couple follows:
The date may be chosen to be near a full moon. Handfastings during the month of May are rare because that is the month of the union of the Goddess and God. (Most Wiccans are duotheistic: they believe in two deities, one female and the other male.)
The ceremony is often held outdoors; preferably in a wooded area; ideally at a crossroads. A backup location is selected in the case of rain.
The bride will not be dressed in a traditional wedding gown. The couple will wear attractive clothes for the ceremony. The bride often wears red.
A circle is formed on the ground with rocks, crystals or some other marker. It is large enough to handle then entire wedding party, and guests, with plenty of empty space. Candles will mark the four cardinal directions. An altar is located near the center of the circle. It is large enough to support the marriage documents; a knife; chalice; a cloth, rope or ribbon; a small silver box and a trowel! A broomstick is laid beside the altar. Wildflowers may be spread inside the circle. The bridal couple stands to the east of the circle. They wear circlets of flowers. Friends and family are gathered around the circle.
The presider rings a bell three times to indicate the start of the ritual and to demarcate divisions within the handfasting ceremony.
The couple approaches the circle from the east — the direction of sunrise; this symbolizes growth in their relationship. They walk once around the circle and enter from the east.
The presider explains to the guests the significance of the ritual to be performed.
The circle is then cast. This usually involves a Wiccan priestess or priest walking around the p
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
In broad terms hand fasting means the practice of binding the hands of a couple together with ribbon, cords or something else that can wrap around the hands, a ritual that predates the giving of rings.. There are numerous ways to do this, and I encourage couples to include members of their family or other significant people in the ritual. A hand fasting has equal balance of emphasis on male and female, so that it is a ceremony of complete equality between the couple. The couple’s vows are very specific to them, not mandated by someone else.
Many different religious traditions include wrapping or binding of the hands as part of the marriage ceremony. Including the binding of the hands using ribbons or cords references this tradition and, as there is no “set way” of doing the binding, it can be adapted as necessary.
The pagan ceremony includes a number of other ritual elements in and is generally officiated by a pagan priest and priestess. These include casting of a circle (or 3 circles – it differs between various pagan traditions), calling of the directions etc.
Basically, what you are planning, thanks to the legal situation in your state, is a commitment ceremony. As such you can include what you wish and have the ceremony officiated by whoever you wish. However, if you wish to have a full pagan handfasting you need to have someone perform it who knows what they are doing. As a Wiccan your groom should know a priest or priestess or be able to find one.
Alternatively you can include Scottish-style hand fasting which is merely the tying together of the hands with appropriate words but without the elements, calling of the four directions etc that is characteristic of a full pagan hand fasting.
Best wishes!
I am currently planning my own handfasting ceremony. I have found a variety of templates online that I am using to customize our vows. Check out the source below for a few different possibilities. I especially like the six cord ritual..we will be adapting this and using it in our own ceremony.
I am using bits and pieces of a variety of ceremonies that I’ve found, writing my own cardinal directions blessing, and creating our handfasting cords. I think one of the things that I have found most appealing about this process is the opportunity it has provided for the two of us to sit and discuss the intent of our vows and what we want to promise one another, as well as make the ceremony unique to our commitment
If you put time into planning this and spend time together as a couple deciding what you want in your ceremony and what you want your ceremony to mean, then it will be amazingly special for both of you and your families.
I am including in the next section sources that I have bookmarked for use in my own planning process – I hope they can help you.
Good luck.
There’s a lot of variety, which is probably why there seems to be so few consistent details. The main constant from what I’ve seen is that you clasp hands and have them tied together – pretty much everything else is up to you guys. The important part is to make sure that the ceremony speaks to you, means something to you.
Jumping a broom at the end is common, but not necessary. The basic things you’re going to need are:
1) Setup – preparing the space (can do anything from drawing a Wiccan circle to smudging to simply calling on the gods and ancestors). Sometimes includes some sort of group meditation to get everyone on the same page/in the same mindset.
2) Statement of purpose – the whole “we’re here for a handfasting” speech. Might include some sort of formalized lore, advice to the couple, etc.
3) Exchange of vows – binding of hands (with ribbon or cord – can be nice if you hand-make it), exchange of vows. Officiant declares you two handfasted. Maybe jump a broom if you want to.
4) Wrap-up – Effectively, an undo of step 1, then you’re on to the whole mooshing cake into each other’s faces step. 😉
Big thing to remember is it’s your day, you and his. If you two don’t craft the ceremony yourself, that’s perfectly fine – but don’t be afraid to ask him for his input too… everybody’s got different personal traditions, so it never hurts to get the full details to work with.